In doubt, fear is the worst of prophets.
Statius, First Century Latin poet
30 January 2025
Two days ago, I had my first infusion of a new cancer drug, Enhertu, which I discussed in my previous post, Also, in my earlier post, I admitted to having some apprehension about side effects, particularly nausea, a concern brought on partly because my health care team had loaded me up with a supply of anti-nausea medications. The assumption was that I’d experience some very bad stuff. Let’s face it. It’s chemotherapy, and everyone KNOWS that chemotherapy is awful, despite its potential benefits.
Apprehension. Concern. Hmmm. Those are just a euphemisms for fear, aren’t they? I’m so attached to doing this cancer thing coolly, calmly and gracefully that I avoid admitting any fears I have about it. But fear of the unknown is something we humans learn from birth, and it DOES serve an important purpose in helping us to protect ourselves in a world that isn’t always friendly. Nevertheless, fear is often overdone and counterproductive.

So I’m reminded of what my dear friend Rev Beverley Strutt said to me over lunch when I said that my cancer would have a predictable trajectory. “I never want to hear those words come out of your mouth again,” she said. “Quit listening to the ‘experts’, because you don’t know and neither do they know how your life will develop.” Nevertheless, I kept listening to the experts with their anti-nausea pills and assumed the worst about the side effects that I’d be experiencing.
So what happened? During the infusion session two days ago, I received three powerful drugs, and…no nausea at all, no debilitating loss of energy, nothing unpleasant. In fact the last two days have been filled with useful activities for me, cooking, house chores, intense computer work, even a delightful outing with my wife along the Sacramento River, stopping to taste some excellent local wines and signing up for a wine club. If the medical folks I work with weren’t such nice people, I’d be tempted to get back to them with “Nyah, nyah. You were wrong. No nausea. Feeling great.” But they ARE very good people who are looking out for my welfare, and though my level of maturity is often in question, I wouldn’t do it.

When I was doing professional training sessions for various organizations, I did a bit about the word fear as an interesting acronym:
False
Expectations
Appearing
Real
The fact is that fear is all about fantasy. We make up stories of horribleness about future events and think those stories are real. BUT WE DON’T REALLY KNOW WHAT WILL HAPPEN. How many times have you lain awake at night worrying about something that never happened, or even if it did happen it wasn’t as bad as you thought it would be. Of course unfortunate things happen, but they’re almost always unanticipated. This idea sits at the foundation of my approach to my cancer experience. I’m always making up stories, but I tell myself that they’re not real and I do all I can not to let the “bad” stories take over my awareness. I do slip sometimes, but I then remind myself not to believe my stories. That helps a great deal.
To me, there’s an interesting corollary to this approach. I firmly believe that the Universe is listening to our thoughts. And if we retain and support a thought with the energy of emotion, the Universe will manifest that thought for us. This idea is central to several spiritual and philosophical traditions, and I’ve seen proof of it many times in my life. So the stories I tell myself are being heard on a grand scale, which makes it vital for me to choose my stories very carefully. Pardon me for getting personal, but what stories, my friend, are you telling yourself and the Universe? Are they stories of peace and possibility or are they stories of fear and disaster? What outcomes are you asking the Universe to manifest for you?

One more thing…I made a request in my last post that you join me in practicing the Lovingkindness Meditation. I had been sporadic in my own practice, but since I was asking you all to join me, It was important for me to resume the practice on a regular basis as well. So most days I spend ten or fifteen minutes thinking of the many people I care about around the world…in Canada, Finland, Sweden, Australia, Thailand, New Zealand. Hawai’i and across the USA. I strive to include you all in the blessing I broadcast to the Universe. It’s difficult to describe the joy and peace this brings me, sometimes to the point of tears. The list of people that I love is so long that I always run out of time before I can finish the list. So I gently recommend the practice again, more for you than for me. I invite you to open your heart in this way…it can be a marvelous experience.
Whoever you are, I wish you health, love, peace and joy in abundance.
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